somebody got angry with me ah? sorry lah. lately im veryvery down... dunno wad is happening around me. actually i noe wads happening but dont tink i noe how to handle it or rather i dont tink i can handle it...
im forced to put on a smile when im actually bleeding in de heart juz so that ppl wont find mi guai lan face n stuff n hoping dat my best fren will come back to me.. she left for no reason. its all so sudden. i feel damn hurt. i felt like dying. i found out 2 tings dat were critical in my life within 1 day. 1. ppl find my face n actions guai lan. 2. my best fren feels 'fan gan' towards mi. i wondered... whether it was a 2 way best fren friendship.. we used to be so good buddies.. pool buddy k-box buddy. used to do alot of stuff togeter. well this semester did drift apart abit. then it got worse n worse. or mayb she found new gd/best frens dat replaced mi.
im juz sososo sad... even tho i hav other frens arnd mi. losing her made mi very lonely. i feel so lonely. i feel so isolated. i started to feel dat every1 in sch detests mi. my class mates n de lecture gang dat i was wif where she is oso in it. perhaps they really detest mi. or mayb its juz my wild thots. at 1 point in time i tot 'mayb if i died wld b better?' end my miseries.. its so easy to die. jump out into oncoming traffic. open window den jump out. den i realised those thots wre childish. die liao so wad? end my miseries but den wad about my family? wad about other frens dat care?
i tink im going crazy. 1 min i cld b optimistic n b4 u noe it im pessimistic alr. i really hav no idea wad to do. the lecture grp gang i was in.. they weer all closer to her. ppl seem to be ignoring mi. leaving without saying 'bye'wen i was rite in front of them. n those dat i used to tok quite alot wif are now toking less. mayb the problem lies wif mi? mayb im the dats not toking to mi? mayb im de 1 dats become anti-social? i dunno. how i wish i was back in secondary school. im starting to hate poly life again. the feeling i've had in de beginning of de semester is coming back to me. i feel so left out. i wanna go back to sec school life. i wanna go back to 3E n 4E.
i really felt like crying on many occasions during this period of time. i did tear. not much tho. eyes watery in public wen i had to force a smile on my face even tho i was veryveyrvery down at dat moment. im starting to hate my life. NO. I HATE MY LIFE...
looking forward to meeting u later dear mei.
